Closer, by Chainsaw ft. Halsey

DWDD: I was riding in the car. You know, chilling, listening to music, playing games on my phone, when IT came on. I mean, I like most music, but there are a few songs that I just can’t stand. Closer, by Chainsaw is one of those songs. It came on and I literally screamed…not even kidding. It took me about seven seconds to realize what song was on, and half a second to yell for it to be turned off. It has no meaning, emotion, catchy melody, or clever words, it isn’t funny, or stupid, or anything! It just isn’t music! Every time I hear it I feel as though a thousand bombs are going off in my head, and the bombs set off TNT strips that set off who knows what else. After about thirty seconds I feel like killing everyone in the proximity (don’t worry I’m not a psychopath and I’m not really going to kill anyone…but still). This is quite possibly the worst song in the history of the universe (others on the list are Cheerleader and Barbie Girl)! I can’t even fathom how it came to be one of the most popular songs of 2016! (“Closer” is just “loser” with a “c”)

MLDD: I’ve never heard this song in its entirety, partially because my daughter screams “turn it off, turn it off!!” but also because I turn it off myself. The background notes they strung together in a repetitive loop cause me a great deal of anxiety if I listen too long. The notes are halting, and overpowering. Her voice might not be terrible given actual accompaniment but I’m not sure because I’ve never heard anything else by this vocalist that I know about and I have never sought it out for fear of finding more songs like this one or having more like this one recommended to me in my playlist.

This song gets a Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, just…Nope! We aren’t even giving any categories for this one, but it gets a zero out of EVERYTHING!!!!! Whatever category you can think of, its a zero. No kidding. Just a zero.

Here is the song link. Please don’t click on it. I’m sorry for including it.

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